Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
