How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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