so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
