Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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