Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
