You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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