some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
last night I used snow as a chaser
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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