Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
