The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
