I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
