Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
