somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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