Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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