You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
