does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
