This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is Oprah even human
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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