you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
