Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
