Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
