If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
