I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
