Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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