she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
