Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
