3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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