that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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