when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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