I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
