I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
