I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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