How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
