Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
