So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
