so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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