I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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