i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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