Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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