i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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