dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
