I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
