if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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