make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
