Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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