One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
