hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
