I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
