remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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