Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
