I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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