it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
