She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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