I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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