dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
