she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
