My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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