OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
