And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?