Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
