I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.