You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
