Umm I'm too high to move.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line