just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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