We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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