I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
