Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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