do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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