Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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