my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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