the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
