Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
