One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
