i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
