To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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