:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
